Don't Fear The Fluff

Touchy-Feely, Soft Skills, Nice to Have, Charm School, Kumbaya, Squish, Smoke and Mirrors, Employee Engagement, EQ…….. More Cowbell? 

The reason fluff can be a necessary evil is that interpersonal business communication lacks an enormous amount of nuance. Psychologists have argued that most interpersonal communication is nonverbal (possibly as much as 93%).

Yet emails, memos, and letters contain only words. Body language is left out and tone is relegated to the inadequate tool of punctuation or worse, BOLD CAPS! In team meetings and communication, jokes can become insults, irony can become prejudice, sarcasm can become matter-of-fact statements, and miscommunication can become (and usually is) the norm.

The great Dale Carnegie noted in his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People just how important these little “fluff” phrases are:

If, for example, the waitress brings us mashed potatoes when we have ordered French fries, let’s say: I’m sorry to trouble you, but I prefer French fries.’ She’ll probably reply, ‘No trouble at all’ and will be glad to change the potatoes, because we have shown respect for her.

Little phrases such as ‘I’m sorry to trouble you,’ ‘Would you be so kind as to—?’ ‘Won’t you please?’ ‘Would you mind?’ ‘Thank you’—these little courtesies oil the cogs of the grind of everyday life.” 

It is nowhere written that such “little courtesies” are not allowed in business communication.

In his book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Malcolm Goldsmith further points out that “killing the messenger” is one of the biggest mistakes executives make.

So even if your MBA business professors would consider it despicable fluff, make sure that not only the facts are presented, but your interpretations of the facts and your (oh no! – FEELINGS) are also clear.

Keep your interpersonal communication upbeat and positive, especially if it could use a little fluff. For example, I end virtually every email, phone call and meeting with “thank you” even if doesn’t really make much sense.

However, with those guidelines in mind, don’t fear the fluff. Embrace it! Just as timely decisions and responses alleviate many problems, a little fluff allows you to ensure your communications remain positive and reduce the likelihood of miscommunication and unnecessary friction between coworkers.

And that is easily worth a few extra words here and there. Others will see it as a gift from you! And, while we’re at it, take a moment and enjoy this SNL skit. Give your relationships a little more COWBELL!