What Is Lack Of Emotional Intelligence (Eq) Costing You?
Small Tweaks to Your EQ can Improve Your Relationships and Help You Lead a More Fulfilling Work and Life
Ever look back on an emotional moment and feel disappointed with how you handled it?
Ever watched another person gracefully handle an emotionally intense situation, and wish you had an ability to respond with such maturity?
I would argue that emotional intelligence is the most important skill you can cultivate in life and work.
GAINING YOUR EMOTIONAL ADVANTAGE
Much has been discovered in the past few decades on how our emotions play such a significant role in our everyday success.
It may sound overly simplistic, but by becoming in tune with your emotional state, you’ll see a profound upward spiral on your daily interactions with people.
In the final estimation, there is little that equals the power of our emotions if only we learn how to effectively harness this powerful reality.
GETTING PAST THE OBVIOUS
It doesn’t take much to realize that our emotions have a great deal of influence on almost everything we say and do.
True progress in life is less about effective time management, and more about effective emotion management.
Yet, most have never considered the idea that emotions are something that need to be acknowledged and accounted for rather than suppressed.
Consequently, most people are stuck in a cycle of responding emotionally to life and can’t gracefully handle the inevitable ups and downs.
That’s where the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) comes into play.
A TYPICAL FEAR RESPONSE
A coaching client of mine, let’s call him Michael, felt well-adjusted most of the time pre-Pandemic. He usually takes life in stride and considers himself easy-going.
But lately he notices there are times when he is overcome with fear and anxiety.
Fear about the future.
Fear of losing important relationships.
And most of all, fear of failure.
The fear can be so overwhelming that Michael literally shuts down and loses his momentum.
When he is in his “fear” state he does regretful things like:
Arguing more.
Discounting legitimately constructive advice.
Telling others to “get real” or “get your head out of the sand.”
You can imagine what this does to his relationships. This emotional immaturity becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy!
HOW MICHAEL TAMED HIS FEAR RESPONSE
It all started with observation—stop, validate, and choose.
He learned to stop, breathe, acknowledge how he was feeling, have a drink of water, take a walk, have a power bar, or even simply clean his glasses.
This small interruption to logically validate and name the emotion, gave him the ability to think logically, and begin to break the bad-habit cycle.
Side note: Sounds a lot like Grandma’s advice of “count to 10” doesn’t it?
IDENTIFYING WHEN YOU’RE VULNERABLE TO NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Next, through our coaching sessions and the use of the Birkman Stress Report, Michael realized he was most vulnerable to negative emotions when he neglected to pay attention to his health.
Your trigger(s) may be different, and the Birkman will help identify your unique pattern but the principle of “when this, then that” is the same.
For Michael in particular, as a result of this discovery he learned to better balance his moods and buffer against anxiety by:
Eating nutritiously and at regular intervals to maintain glucose balance.
Sleeping at least 7 hours at night and making time for a brief mental rest.
Engaging in a regular routine to manage stress with meditation; exercise; journaling; walking; etc.
All of those require the setting and protecting of important boundaries, and together they formed the bedrock of Michael’s efforts to level up his EQ.
As you read this list, look for areas in your life that impact your sense of well-being.
The best advice I can give is to be non-judgmental as you examine your own patterns.
If you recognize behaviors that leave you vulnerable to negative emotions, take steps to address them in a healthy way.
You will be glad you did…and so will the people you work and live with.
So, dear reader, what changes can you make to improve the health of your emotions today?
Here’s to you being a respected, non-anxious presence,
Dave
P.S. Could you use a little emotional tune-up? Click here to schedule a free consultation. Emotion management is just one way we help keep our clients on track.